Their Last Goodbye
by chromeknickers
Summary: Could Snape's worst memory be eclipsed by his best? All he ever wanted was to love and be loved by her. Severus finally gets the chance when he and Lily say their last goodbye. This is how it should have happened. Warning: bitter-sweet.


_I disclaim._

**Their Last Goodbye**

He never thought the day would arrive – the day when she would call for him. He had dreamt of it, of course. He had imagined a thousand different scenarios, a series of flickering images: a running leap, with red hair flowing, into a willing and exuberant embrace; a rosebud mouth forming in the shape of an O, exhaling pent up air in the form of a sigh; pale, calloused hands gently stroking satin smooth cheeks; wet and parted lips touching and tasting, wanton and idolatry.

Oh, yes. He had dreamt.

As he stood under the full, pale moon in the familiar old playground, looking down into her bright, round sea-green eyes, he knew that she hadn't called him to fulfil his fantasies. She had invited him to say their last goodbye.

"I didn't think you'd come," she said softly, a hint of shyness in her voice, something uncharacteristic of her.

It had been a long time. They had lost that unmistakable familiarity.

He took in a deep breath and stuffed his fists into his trouser pockets, lowering his head as he dug the toe of his boot into the soft sand, kicking out a small, flat stone towards her as she swayed on the swing.

"I didn't think I would either," he replied just as softly. "But _you _asked, and I came." He briefly raised his head to steal another glance at her.

Those eyes. After so many years, he could still lose himself in their haunting depths.

"You always did," she said in return, a small and wistful smile creeping over her lips.

She slowly spun herself around on the swing and then stopped, abruptly looking up at him.

"You know you can't talk me out of this," she stated out-of-the-blue.

She held on to the chains tightly as she searched his eyes with her own. He felt eleven all over again.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he answered swiftly, expectantly, routinely.

She let out a low laugh, almost a chuckle, and shook her head.

"Intractable 'til the end, huh, Sev?" she asked, and a piece inside of him died at how she effortlessly sounded the word 'end'.

"Could I be anything but?" he replied rhetorically, sounding not so confident this time around.

She looked down at her lap and shook her head and smiled as if to say 'No'.

"... He's an arrogant git, Lily!" he exclaimed, unable to stop the words from tumbling past his lips and out his mouth. "You _deserve _better."

He expected an angry or sarcastic retort like, 'He's changed' or 'Who do I deserve? You?' But she just smiled, her eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

"I said you can't talk me out of this," she explained once more as she drew her knees up and dug her toes into the sand.

"I can still _try_," he rejoined with his chin held high, the image causing her to let out a soft laugh. He lowered his head and scowled in return. "As feeble as an effort it may be."

She bit her lip and smiled, shaking her head, causing her long auburn hair to tumble down past her shoulders.

"Feeble, yes," she agreed, nodding her head as she looked up at him. "Appreciated?" She raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Very much so." She suddenly kicked back with her feet and began swinging into the air. "I would have expected nothing less from you."

He effortlessly stepped aside and took the swing beside her. He watched her begin to leisurely pump her legs up into the air, tightly gripping onto the chains as she turned her head to observe him. He, in turn, kicked back with the balls of his feet and followed suit. For a minute, they just swung in silence, making gentle swooshing noises in the air. They never made to climb higher, just languidly swinging like a rope on the end of a branch.

After a protracted and pregnant silence, he finally spoke. "I … I wish you had accepted my apology years ago," he admitted, slowing his pace. "Things would have turned out differently."

She also slowed down and leaned her cheek against her hand that held the chain. She nodded her head against the smoothness of her own skin, a smoothness he so desperately wanted to touch and experience.

"I wish I had accepted it too." She turned her head to look at him seriously. "You were my best friend," she admitted, hesitating as she turned her head and tried to hide the tears that threatened to brim. "You have no idea how much I missed you, being able to talk to you and laugh with you …" She paused, sniffing softly and then her expression hardened. "But apology or not, it would not have changed things between us."

He shook his head, unwilling to believe this. "But if I hadn't said it, _I _could have been in a position to know you as more than a friend, to—"

"Even if you had never said the word, would it have stopped you from turning down the path that you have already chosen?" she asked, cutting him off, looking up at him with narrowed eyes.

There was an underling accusation in her tone. She had, in vain, attempted to conceal her contempt for him, for the life he had chosen, but she had poorly done so. As much as she knew him more than any living being ever would, he knew _her_ – she was his Lily.

But he could not bring himself to answer her. He could not say what she expected to hear.

"I thought so," she replied behind gritted teeth and clenched her fists, lowering her head.

"Lily," he almost begged, and she looked up, her eyes wide and full of hurt.

Her name was both foreign and natural on his tongue. How powerful a name was, to say it, to whisper it, to yell it, to cry it, to love it. He could heal her with it; he could break her with it.

"Why did you ask me to come here?" he finally asked, retuning her look with one of defeat. "Did you just want to show me what I have lost, what I can never have with you?" He had tried, desperately, to conceal the pain and longing in his voice.

He had failed miserably.

She tilted her head to look at him and her quivering mouth slowly transformed into a smile. It was one of those sad smiles, the kind that formed before you were on the verge of tears.

"On some small level, I think I wanted you to talk me out of it," she answered with a soft laugh and then swiftly shook her head when she saw the momentary flicker of hope in his dark eyes. "Don't get me wrong, Severus."

He held his breath.

"I love him, and I am going to marry him."

He exhaled.

"But I … you ..." He fumbled for the words, lost in the shadows of his darkest thoughts.

_This is your last chance, you damnable fool_, he reprimanded himself. _Say it, you coward! Say it!_

The words wouldn't come.

"Severus," she began gently, and he shook his head.

"No, don't." He held up his hand and turned away from her.

He couldn't take her pity. He held it all in – the tears, the disappointment, and the anger.

"I know you don't love me," he strangled the words out, and it sounded like someone else was speaking.

She shook her head and reached out, grabbing the chain of his swing, her hand precariously close to his. "Severus, I have _always_ loved you."

He looked up and swallowed hard.

"Ours is a different kind of love though," she said, lowering her eyes. "One that was never meant to be."

_I only ever wanted to love you, to be loved by you_, he thought with hopelessness.

She finally looked up at him and gently placed her hand on his. "You will always have a place in my heart."

"I-I can't," he stuttered and stood up, drawing his hand away from hers as though she had burned him with her touch. "I can't just have a 'place' and not _be_ a part of your life!" He turned on her with such a look of hurt and betrayal glinting in his cold, black eyes that she momentarily blenched.

_Please, don't leave me again_, he begged in his mind, reaching out to her.

Her brow shot up in surprise as she, inadvertently, heard his thoughts. She immediately stood up and faced him.

"Severus, I will _never_ leave you. You are a part of me!" she explained passionately, her beautiful green eyes welling up with tears.

"Then why can't we be together?" he cried, knowing that he sounded foolish, knowing that he sounded like a child.

He didn't care. Why couldn't he just have her?

"You know why," she answered softly, almost reluctantly, bringing a hand up to wipe at her eyes.

"It's because of _him_!" he responded bitterly, dropping his hand and turning his head.

"He's part of the reason," she agreed. "But it's much bigger than that, and had you ever realised that in school, we might have been more than just two strangers passing in the night." She looked down at her feet.

"I love _you_, Lily Evans!" he blurted out in anger, turning his face to look down at her.

He felt the wetness on his cheeks, the lump in his throat, and dull and aching pain in his heart, and he didn't care. Why could she not love him back?

Then she did something unexpected, something that he would never forget. She leaned in, stood up on her toes and brushed her lips against his.

It wasn't a passionate kiss. She did not lock her arms around his neck or grip his tunic to draw him near. He, in turn, did not grab her by the arms and pull her in close. He did not caress her cheeks like he had in his dreams. He simply parted his mouth, taking in her full bottom lip and chastely returned the kiss of his childhood friend, the only girl he had ever loved.

Who broke off the kiss first, he could not recall, and he doubted that he ever would. In that moment, he looked down into her bright emerald eyes and finally understood not just what he had lost, but what he could have had, the life he should have chosen.

She would always be _his_ Lily.

"Goodbye, Severus."

She would forever _be_ his soul.

"Goodbye, Lily."

**FIN **

**Author notes: **Okay, so this is my first Snape/Lily story. In fact, this is my first non-Draco/Ginny story, period. I know it sucks, and the title is unoriginal, but I thought, what would be Snape's "best memory"? And knowing Snape, it would be a bitter-sweet memory at that, like having Lily forgive him and then leave him a second time.

For all you Snape/Lily fans out there, I hope I captured the two in character. As for Lily's character, I wanted to make her forgiving, but still determined and set in her ways. While Snape may seem a tad OOC, I think this is how he would have reacted to a last meeting between he and Lily before she married James. I gathered this from my own observations of reading _The Prince's Tale_ in **Deathly Hallows**.

I hope you enjoyed.


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